[Jyushi thinks it's important for Hitoya to speak, especially if he's being this open. It isn't like the other man to be quite this honest about his emotions or motivations. Yes, Hitoya will discuss what he does for money because it adds to the image he wants to craft.
He wants to listen and understand everything that Hitoya is saying before he's giving any of his own input. But that last line does make his eyes widen because he didn't see that coming. He wasn't blind to the fact that he'd stayed in Hitoya's life much more than any of his other clients. They'd stayed in touch and become friends, Hitoya had given him his brother's guitar. Obviously he'd made some impact.
[Maybe it was inevitable. It's nice to think he wasn't destined to remain so jaded and his life up until that moment was just a collection of minutes counting down until he met the right person that forced him to confront the real value of his work. The true impact it was having on the world.
Which couldn't be counted in the years behind bars so much as graduations that wouldn't be missed, as championship games yet to be won and the promises of marriage and kids to fulfill. It was in the number of lives saved. In that respect, it could have been anyone.
But that's also doing a discredit to how special Jyushi really is.]
I didn't realize it until you were standing on that ledge and I was right behind you trying to talk you down. In that moment I knew if you died it would be like failing my brother all over again
[Hitoya's hands lay loose before and he considers them now, clean and polished and not a speck of the filth that soils them really visible. He has no illusions about who he is. No qualms about the steps he's taken to achieve the ends to his means. But to sacrifice himself like that and still fail...
It had been a wake up call.]
My brother didn't deserve to die. But if he hadn't died, I might not have been here to help others like him. To help you. When I think about it like that, it gets... just a little easier to live with. To think that you're here in his place.
[It's here that he looks up again, looking Jyushi right in the eye as he reaches out to clasp him by the arm.]
But you're not my brother. It's not fair of me to burden you with that expectation.
[Hitoya and his relationship had begun from tragedy. Born from the ashes of fires that had felt like destroying things. For Jyushi, it almost had taken his life but then Hitoya stopped that. Hitoya looked out for him, stood up for him, and gave him a new chance. Hitoya had done more for Jyushi than he could truly ever put words to. Even now, years past the court case, Hitoya was still going out of his way to help. Jyushi knew that Hitoya didn't have to do most of the things he did.
But it was hard to let go of someone who was Hitoya, someone that had saved his life and became a hero.
Jyushi's never imagined that Hitoya ever stopped hurting over his brother. Much like his grandmother, it was a matter of just living every day. Despite the pain. That was all you could do and just hope you were doing good by their memories.
Now as he listens to Hitoya he feels like he should say something but he's never seen Hitoya be quite this open. The older man is not the emotional type and although Jyushi knows those emotions are there, he wouldn't be doing the job he does if he was without feeling, this still takes him aback.]
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no subject
He wants to listen and understand everything that Hitoya is saying before he's giving any of his own input. But that last line does make his eyes widen because he didn't see that coming. He wasn't blind to the fact that he'd stayed in Hitoya's life much more than any of his other clients. They'd stayed in touch and become friends, Hitoya had given him his brother's guitar. Obviously he'd made some impact.
He just didn't know it was this much of one.]
Until you met me?
no subject
[Maybe it was inevitable. It's nice to think he wasn't destined to remain so jaded and his life up until that moment was just a collection of minutes counting down until he met the right person that forced him to confront the real value of his work. The true impact it was having on the world.
Which couldn't be counted in the years behind bars so much as graduations that wouldn't be missed, as championship games yet to be won and the promises of marriage and kids to fulfill. It was in the number of lives saved. In that respect, it could have been anyone.
But that's also doing a discredit to how special Jyushi really is.]
I didn't realize it until you were standing on that ledge and I was right behind you trying to talk you down. In that moment I knew if you died it would be like failing my brother all over again
[Hitoya's hands lay loose before and he considers them now, clean and polished and not a speck of the filth that soils them really visible. He has no illusions about who he is. No qualms about the steps he's taken to achieve the ends to his means. But to sacrifice himself like that and still fail...
It had been a wake up call.]
My brother didn't deserve to die. But if he hadn't died, I might not have been here to help others like him. To help you. When I think about it like that, it gets... just a little easier to live with. To think that you're here in his place.
[It's here that he looks up again, looking Jyushi right in the eye as he reaches out to clasp him by the arm.]
But you're not my brother. It's not fair of me to burden you with that expectation.
no subject
But it was hard to let go of someone who was Hitoya, someone that had saved his life and became a hero.
Jyushi's never imagined that Hitoya ever stopped hurting over his brother. Much like his grandmother, it was a matter of just living every day. Despite the pain. That was all you could do and just hope you were doing good by their memories.
Now as he listens to Hitoya he feels like he should say something but he's never seen Hitoya be quite this open. The older man is not the emotional type and although Jyushi knows those emotions are there, he wouldn't be doing the job he does if he was without feeling, this still takes him aback.]
I...Hitoya-san...